Values Conflicts

Values are described as those things that we will expend time, energy and effort to either move toward or away from in life. A primary skill from my NLP Practitioner Certification program is learning how to elicit values. Values are elicited anytime you ask the question, “What is important about ‘X’?”
I often say the ‘all conflict’ in a person’s life is conflict with values. People will do things when their values are out of whack that they would never do otherwise. When a parent or grandparent dies for example, siblings tend to squabble over seemingly silly things and the tone of the arguements can get outrageous even among people who generally like each. Each individual in going to be in a conflict between their own self interest, the interest of the family, protection of their own spouse and children, and feelings of inequity between other family memebers involved.
Coaching clients often complain about life sitiuations that can be unhooked when you the coach can facilitate awareness and make a new plan around how to deal moving values back to their proper order.
Some values are Core Values. In other words they are even more closely held and deemed sacred. Other values tend to fit up inside the core values.
A next way to understand a person is to elicit what is meant specifically by the words they use to describe values and core values. Language is imprecise and we cannot expect to understand until we have asked what is meant. Lots of miscommunication occurs around the asumptions that we know what someone else means when they say, ‘security,’ or ‘family,’ or any other value being expressed.
The next step in helping a person unhook values conflicts to elicit a Valued Heirarchy. The question is, “If you had to choose between value A and B on your list, which would you say is more important A or B? A double check question is, “If you could not have vaule A, but could have vaule B, would that be OK?”

Next time: What to look for with regard to eliciation problems. NOTE: Just getting the information above will be geneerally self explanatory about what to do and how to use values. Lots of things will be clearer in your understaning of the person (or yourself) and it will be unusual to run into difficulties.