RELEASE YOUR GRIEF - by Bill Thomason

Grief is very deep emotional pain.  It can be the result of the death of a loved one or a particularly difficult life circumstance accompanied by feelings of deep personal loss.  Grief is a natural part of the healing process.  However, the grief process can be complicated by guilt, shame, anger or other negative emotions. Until the grieving process is completed an individual may be having difficulties in life in general as they are trying to work over the top of these deep and unresolved feelings.

An individual may not be able to easily experience the positive feelings in life that used to be associated with a person who is no longer accessible or after an event like a tornado or hurricane.  These people often report being shaken to their roots and they cannot come to grips with the reality.  When an individual does not allow themselves to complete the grieving process for whatever reason, it is not uncommon for them to report difficulty coping with daily activities even after many years have passed. 

One of the problems with grief is that the individual may have internal representations of the loss that are vivid, bright, harsh sounding, painful, and felt deeply to the exclusion of positive thoughts.  When the grief process is not allowed to occur in a timely manner, an individual can experience more and more disassociation from the positive feelings that used to characterize their previous life.  The focus on negative emotional experience tends to delete the possibility of emotions like gratitude and appreciation.  These people tend to 'mismatch' any suggestions that they get on with their lives or allow healing to occur.  Some people even say they want to heal, but believe they cannot or don't know how. 

The process below was developed by Robert Dilts (1995):

1. Identify and associate into the experience of separation, sadness, and/or grief.
2. Break State.  Focus on a couple of things in the area around you.  Move to another spot, separate from the first. 
3. Allow yourself go into a centered and resourceful state.  Remember a time, a specific time when you were aligned and wise and allow yourself to experience this state. Break state, again. 
4. Choose 2 mentors who will act as 'guardian angels.'  Select mentors who will always be with you from this time forward.
5. With your hands, sculpt a life size 'hologram' of the person you are missing.  Create the person (or event) as you want him/her (it) to be.
6. Check for any negative or painful memories.  Tie balloons to them and let them float away. (Images to the outside of the balloons, voices to the inside)
7. Breathe life into the hologram and give your new mentor the voice you would like him or her to have.
8. Ask the new mentor, "What is the gift you have been wanting to give me all this time?"  Go to 'second position' with your new mentor.  Be that person, standing in their shoes, looking from their eyes and answer the question.  Create a symbol for the gift you receive.
9.  Return to 'first position.'  Associate back to yourself, and answer the question, "What is my gift for you?"  Create a symbol for your gift to the other person. 
10.  Exchange gifts with your new mentor and connect your hearts with an eternal silver thread of light. 
11. Honor the gift you have received by finding someone else in your life to share it with.  Future pace how you will share this gift and keep it alive.  Use your new mentor as a resource to help you share this gift.
12. Imagine your new mentor being welcomed by your other mentors. 
13. Bring your gift, your new mentor and your other 'guardian angels' into the situation where you had previously experienced separation, sadness, or grief, and notice how your experience is transformed.  

For more information or to set up an NLP Coaching session, contact Bill Thomason, 602 321-7192.

Also see Discharge Stored Pain and Negative Emotion.

NOTE: Another NLP pattern for grief is  is credited to Steve and Connierae Andreas (1989).  The pattern uses submodalities in a two stage process to transform grief into a way of reconnecting with the part of the person that was lost. This is very similar to the Forgiveness Pattern.  

Purchase the CD Forgiveness Pattern at the store,  'Books and Tapes'.

Bill Thomason

Your NLP Success Coach

and Certified NLP Trainer

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